When is enough enough?
I think this question echoes in every fertility patient’s mind whether they’re on treatment number two or 20.
Undergoing fertility treatments often feels like running a non-stop marathon. The road is long, and sometimes we fall, exhausted, but many of us dust ourselves off and get back on track.
The difference between the fertility marathon and a real race is that in the case of trying to have a healthy baby, the path is somewhat unclear and the finish line isn’t always in sight. It’s easy to feel like you’re running to nowhere and to question if you should keep going and deplete yourself or your resources.
Consider what questions you haven’t asked yet.
Here are some things to consider to gauge whether it’s time to move on to another option or to stay on track with your current plan:
1) What Information Do I Need to Decide?
Sometimes when we can’t make a decision, we realize that we’d be better armed to figure it out if we had more answers. Set aside time to brainstorm and take notes. Consider what questions you haven’t asked yet of your medical care providers, your partner, or yourself.
Would it be helpful to get a better sense of your odds, according to your clinic? Or, to know more about another option like donor eggs or surrogacy?
2) What’s the Cost-Benefit?
It’s helpful to consider what it’s costing you financially, physically, emotionally on your current path so you can decide if you should continue on this track or abandon it in favor of something else.
You may find that the cost, both literally, your cash outlay, and figuratively, in how it affects the rest of your life, is too high to continue. Or, you may realize that there’s really no effort you won’t make when trying to reach your goal.
I know many people who decided that the cost of disrupting their schedules, their bodies, and their bank accounts was too much to handle and realized that the option wasn’t IVF, IUI, or no baby. For many of them, they moved on to other options that felt more aligned with what they needed and wanted given the situation.
Others feel more inspired and clear-headed to continue forward once they’ve taken stock of how far they’ve come and of what they really want and need.
3) Am I Depressed and/or Unable to Function Normally?
This is a serious question, and an important one for fertility patients to ask themselves.
Going through infertility can be extremely isolating and tough, and it affects some patients so much that they feel like they’ve lost themselves in the process.
I interviewed someone who said that she almost divorced her husband during her three grueling years of fertility treatments because they weren’t on the same page about their path. He had said that she wasn’t the same woman he married.
Whether or not she had truly changed that dramatically, the process of undergoing so many unsuccessful fertility treatments made them realize that having a baby (whom they hadn’t even met) was less important than her health and happiness.
Consider that if you’re feeling down or anxious and want to keep going through fertility treatments, this is also normal.
You may want to enlist the help of a professional therapist, life coach, or member of your clergy to help you process your feelings and help you feel supported.